"We are Family!"
Welcome to week 4. My, has February fallen upon us ever so quickly! You know what this means? It’s almost CRUNCH TIME, and I have to put everything in “super-mode”.
This past week, our group finally touched base via Facebook, and it was good to hear
from everyone. It seems as though we are all very excited to work on a group fundraising project, and we’ve unanimously decided to host another Band Night at the Bomber Shelter on campus. Last semester’s Band Night, although it wasn’t a huge success and we did not raise that much money, was a lot fun, despite me having to sit in the back and type an essay while loud music was blaring in my ears! But I’d do anything to support the team :)
Speaking of support, I met up with another Beyond Borders member who I haven’t seen in quite some time, and who also happens to be my roommate, and over Starbucks and a shared red velvet cupcake (which was very delicious by the way), we were exchanging stories about our family’s responses to this entire BB experience. Well, let me just preface this by saying, our family’s are on two extremely different spectrums! My roommate informed me that her mother praises her with encouragement and tells her, everyday, how proud she is that her daughter is doing this program. My mother, on the other hand, not to say she isn’t proud, but she definitely doesn’t like telling me so. When people ask about my trip to India her comments are usually along the lines of: “I don’t want to talk about India. Raquel and this trip are giving me nerves!” Now don’t get me wrong, I understand her concern. And with me being her first born, she gets a little, okay, a little is an understatement; she gets very over-protective, despite me being 22 years of age.
As for our sisters; my roommate has an older sister, while I have a younger teenage sister, who is graduating from grade 12 this upcoming summer. After reading her blog, my roommate’s sister was brought to tears, which was followed by her mother being moved to tears, and it seemed like a really genuine family moment. My case is a bit different. You see, my sister has yet to read my blog. I don’t know if it’s because she doesn’t like to read in general, or if she is boycotting my blog because I have to miss her grade 12 graduation this summer while I’m in India. Either way, you can definitely see the differences family responses. I am upset that I will not get to watch my sister graduate because she has been to all of mine, and graduation is a big celebration in our family. I told her, however, that she can Skype me while the ceremony is taking place, and it will be as if I’m right there with the family! Needless to say, she did not like that idea, but she did promise to read my blog while I was away. As for now, there will be no waterworks in the Mignott family, but I’m sure they will come around. I know they do not fully understand why I’m endeavoring this, because no one in my family has done anything remotely similar to BB, but they do see how important this is to me, which is why they are supporting me, even though they don’t get it!
To my fellow Beyond Bord-ians, how are your family members dealing with this experience?
January 30, 2010 at 12:01 AM
who's your roommate!? I want a family like hers!! LOL
Raquel, not everybody is going to get it. And I know it's hard because your family is supposed to be the ones you can depend on always - yet you feel like they're not even there. But here's the thing. Regardless of the different views you guys have on life, the one thing you do share, is the overwhelming love you have for each other. You know they will be there for you when you need them - so take comfort in that. And remember! You have a LARGE Beyond Borders family who strongly supports you and will continue to be a part of this wonderful experience with you:)
January 30, 2010 at 6:21 PM
January 30, 2010 at 6:51 PM
If you were to ask me in the beginning of this experience how my family members were dealing with this, I would definitely say that I could empathize with you. But I found that as this process has gone on, their attitude about has done a complete 180! My point here is not to make you jealous, instead to give you some advice (?). I found that their change in attitude came once mine did. Because I knew how they originally felt about my decision to take part in BB (i.e. just like yours), I would speak of it apologetically, if I talked about it at all! Once I made the conscious choice to speak confidently and keep them informed about this absolutely incredible experience, they completely turned around. I think they began to see the confidence I had in how important this opportunity was for me, and it wasn't long before they stood behind me. Of course I have the fantasy of my family being the same as Krista's (tears and all!), but just knowing that they fully support my choice is beyond words. Be patient and confident, and they change their perspective. But if not, like you said, you know they're proud of you with or without tears!
January 30, 2010 at 10:10 PM
Thanks for posting this Raquel. I have experienced mixed emotions from my family members as well. I think that I expected everyone to be as excited about this program as I am. I have realized that there is more than one way to look at this: for us it is an exciting adventure; to others they are losing a daughter/sister/friend/partner for the better part of 3-4 months and along with that comes fears and concerns. I have adjusted to the realization that they wouldn't be concerned if they didn't care, and perhaps showing concern is their way of showing love. It's not as warm and fuzzy to think of things this way... but sometimes we have to change our perceptions of things, rather than try to change the other people. Hopefully this gets easier for you.
January 31, 2010 at 4:36 PM
My parents were nervous as 'ol heck! Hahaha yes I said 'ol heck. After the book reading, however, they are starting to get a lot more supportive. My dad has finally calmed down and realized that the Lord's Resistance Army is not going to kidnap me. Hearing Dr. Jame's experience in Sudan calmed his nerves. My mom has been been pretty supportive but there is no tears of joy at how amazing I am. I don't feel like it really bothers me though. It really helps that one of my best friends is excited and so supportive of me. She tells me every time that we talk that I'll be ok (effectively helping to calm my nerves!) and that she is so excited for me. She is one who goes EVERYWHERE! She lived by herself for a year in Europe finishing her grade 12 year and then lived in Nunavut for a summer (which is pretty much like a different country) and she's going off again this summer. We are pen pals and having her support means a lot to me. But mainly, knowing that I am doing this for myself and feeling that I am strong enough to do this makes me feel ok that my parents aren't gushing about the experience. Fyi I am also missing my sister's graduation - she's getting her degree this summer :(
January 31, 2010 at 10:34 PM
Awww, thanks for the comments! I always like hearing other people's opinions because I always wonder if I'm over reacting in any way.
But I guess I'm part way to blame because Tina you're absolutely right! I never really shared my excitement with my family or talked about the program much because I knew, initially, they didn't really like the idea. I felt they wouldn't understand, so why bother? But as I discuss it more, and become more comfortable, they too become more comfortable.
And Denise, you're right as well! Sometimes it does require changing OUR perceptions and looking at it from a different view. How would I feel losing a daughter/sister/friend for 3 months? It would be hard; and if I didn't worry, then that means I really didn't care for that person in the first place.
But like you said Jacquelyn, knowing that I'm doing this for myself is also important, and I know that that's the main reason why I'm doing this. If I did listen to my mother then I'd probably never leave the house! And sorry you have to miss your sister's grad too :(
I'm sure this will get easier, but regardless, Krista you are right in that I have a LARGE BB family who does understand and support :)
Thanks again for commenting
February 1, 2010 at 8:19 AM
Don't worry, you are not the only one.
My mother, not to say she isn't proud either, but she definitely does not speak out about it and say it outloud. In fact, she does everything possible to avoid the topic and face that fact. Whenever someone does happen to bring it up, she just shakes her head and turns away. Mothers...
When it comes to fundraising, and me putting so much work into it, she has a million ideas how to help me and who to contact. She tells her friends to support me by buying my picture frames and so on, she doesn't emphasize the reason for the fundraising ;P
Sometimes, they have difficulty accepting that we are growing up, and not just growing up in our community, but growing up in the world.
Hang in there, when you come back alive, she will be gushing with pride (Joanne promised, she promised not to lose a student)!!
Nev ;)
February 5, 2010 at 10:25 AM
I agree with nevena's point - it's all about them processing and accepting that we are growing up and becoming independent. My mom and I have talked at length about it and she has addmitted that it is hard for her to accept that im doing things on my own. She has been extremely supportive of my fundraising and I know that she is really happy for me, but I think that shes also a little sad that I'm going off on my own. This is a big step, its not that we are just moving out or going away to school, we are going to be all over the world where they can't protect us. Like you raquel im the oldest child and that makes any first that much more difficult. im sure if in a couple of years my younger brother wants to go off on a global adventure it will be no big deal. :p
February 14, 2010 at 4:14 PM
I'm proud of you. I'm proud of all of you. And I know you're mum is proud of you too - ask her, see what she says ;)